...each day has become some sort of a trial-and-error mode... okay I dont know what that means!!.... a subtle mind spinning....an internal spewing of expletives..... all swimming and screaming in my head..... finally somebody said...I've changed....and none other than Flash...now am just convinced of the fact myself.....what becomes difficult is dealing with a known fact in a way like it was new...suddenly encountering a sad truth...!!........ and then .... you just melt!!...."in ways that cant be spoken".......
...sitting in the cab with ma and a neighbor, I was looking at the life passing by....(sometimes life was just stuck in the traffic jam....ok really lame...sorry).....the ipod plugged into my ears...trying to make sense of all this unconditional situationss....that i had got into......I wish i could just delete that one year of my life and everything associated with it....just cntrl+alt+del.....thats it!!......but you cant.....although it has ceased to haunt you....it has silently rolled itself into you....making you someone you never was.......
you always thought you were smart....but hey woman!!!...wake up..... you arent!!!...you re just plain simple dumb and stupid....you cant make sense of yourself...let alone your life... you dont know what you want to run away from...but you just want to run......hah!!
somedays you just wake up after that so-called refreshing sleep to find that you've imbibed into you all those qualities you never wanted to have....artificial..fake..rude...selfish....and even ruthless...without having regard for anybody's emotions.....the irony is...trying to be just the opposite or in the process of being just the opposite...you end up being all that..... funny!!
and then you say.....thats it!!....I've had enough!!.... I want everyone around me to just GeT LOstthen you feel like breaking your own head.....wanting to get out of that box....leaving bits of your heart in places you never really wanted.....pasting a small piece of memory like stick-on paper there where you know you shouldnt.....
you re just living in pieces....sometimes...glued up pieces where the cracks remain painfully visible....every second day...a little piece gets crushed and then vanishes...like dust.....and what begins to remain is someone...you never thought you'd have to recognize....someone who you will be afraid of today.....but will become that tomorrow......"the perfect sky is torn"......faint flashes of baba come to you but even that you try to wash away...coz it deepens your tiut* scars......huh!!
