U or Me?

Is it u, or is it me
This is pathetic, sardonic, sadistic..
It creeps in me, unseeing, unsightly..
Like a thallus, it spreads all over..
Improper yet effective, burning deep..

I feel ashamed, anger at u, at me?
It's confusing, banging my head..
My temple aches contemplating..
I wish I knew, if it was me..
I'm sorry..

It was new, dark, unnatural..
Unfamiliar to me, panicking on the ship.
It turned and I could not swim..
I still was silent not wanting u back..
But want u back terribly..
I wish I knew how..
In a different time or a second chance..
I will make u glad..