Mom

Though I've never told you... But I'm afraid of darkness, mom... Though I've never shown it... I do care for you, mom... Aren't you aware of everything, mom..You know everything, mom...Please don't leave me like this in the crowd... I won't be able to come back home..Please, don't send me so far that.. You will not even remember me, mom... Mom, am I that bad?... Whenever dad pushes me high in the swing...My eyes will look for you... Thinking you will come and hold me, mom... I've never told him.. But I do get scared, mom...Though I never let it come on my face... I'm scared within, mom... Aren't you aware of everything?... You know better, mom!

Sketchiness & Silliness

My dictionary stays that healthy pervert means: you openly talk about various topics including ones which are kinda hard to talk about. Every topic becomes your great materials. Of course, me shouldn't go further beyond 'healthy' pervert. But I did!! hehe... 0.00001% turning to 50% D....Y minded!!

I am NOT really disappointed with myself. It's normal actually. Nature makes us pervert. And if you aren't at tht particular age, then you're gonna face some serious prob.=p Hmmm, among me and my friends I am known as the sensible one. Like they always came up with "don't teach her anything. She still YOUNG and INNOCENT". Errr what??.. Duh!!  Last one you would expect to make a 'S' joke and it was just late for my hormones to kick in. Every one said that I would  blew it off and forgot what they said. Well they did kick in me very late but very hard. Now I can't stop fantasizing as I am thinking with the wrong head more than my real head. I tried to ignore it but now it has gotten so out of control. Its not a big deal where I still cn control over my own thoughts I really think that my hormones effect me more than any one else because they came so late and its insane. It sounding exaggerated. I feel like a disgrace to my family with these thoughts as they coming back every time I change the state of my mind and it keep on coming back. But, we aren't gonna talk with them in this manner, right? =) So, chill.. Its only among you and your closer peeps.  Right now I am trying not that hard not to sound perverted.  C'mon, you already entered the adult zone. Not a kid anymore.=p and limitation is everywhere!

Now they are getting shocked with "Omg, that sounds so wrong/ Hey, since when u become soo pervert/Who taught you? (you all la)/You gettin corrupted.." Me sooo like their expressions..XOXO..

Meant to

Have an amazing life..!

You are meant to have everything you love and desire. Your work is meant to be exciting, and you are meant to accomplish all the things you would love to accomplish. Your relationships with your family and friends are meant to be filled with happiness. You are meant to have all the money you need to live a full, wonderful life. You are meant to be living your dreams-all of them!

When you wake up each day, you should be filled with excitement because you know the day is going to be full of great things. You are meant to be laughing and full of joy. You are meant to feel strong and safe-feel good about yourself and know you're invaluable. Of course there will be challenges in your life and you are meant to have them too, because they help you to grow, and you are meant to know how to overcome problems and challenges. YOU~> Meant to be victorious! Meant to be happy! Meant to have an amazing life!

You were not born to struggle. You were not born to toil in your work five days a week, with fleeting moments of happiness on weekends. You were not born to worry or be afraid. You were not born to live with limited energy, feeling exhausted at the end of each day. What would be the point of your life?

You are meant to experience life to its fullest and have everything you want and, at the same time, be filled with joy, health, vitality, excitement, peace, and love, because that is an amazing life! The life of your dreams, everything you would love to be, do or have, has always been closer to you than you knew, because the power to everything you want is inside you!

Life is so much easier than you think it is, and you come to understand the way life works, and the power you have inside you, you will experience the magic of life in its fullness-

Now let the magic of your life begin!

*LOVE*

De '3' songs..

Just not attracts me enough.  Those songs are from '3', a famous Tamil movie which have been released recently.

 1) Y This Kolaveri, 2) Po Nee po and got other few songs I guess =p. They may be catchy, and they may have been big hits — but they're also just plain bad. There are devoted entirely to the worst songs of all time. Well, maybe not the all-time worst written songs or worst performances of all time. Perhaps "Really irritating songs that used to be popular songs" would be a better title. These are songs that, admit it or not, that we all knew and mostly liked when they first came out. These are songs that makes me cringe when hear them now in front of loved ones. What was I thinking? I'm thinking "Do I believe this songs on again? I feel something inside me saying,'I think they've played this long enough no?". My buddies was so excited enough until keep on replaying those songs over and over again and even watching the movies like 4 or 5 times. It reminded me how dreadfully overplayed and thusly annoying. Looking those songs in my handset to bluetooth?...Hahaha...Useless!! They often may felt with my behaviour which aren't applicable on those scenario. Everyone have their own taste for heaven's sake, right? =)

For me it is REALLY REALLY AWFUL.  The more I think about it, it should be higher but I just never ever played it at gigs and didn't hear it that much overall.  If I had, I would be Top Ten material. Wasn't  interested too much to watch the movie indeed. I'm glad =) Infiltrating the airwaves, television, youtubes, fb posts and worst of all my ears with noise, decibel, and mind pollution LOL!

Well, not pissed off but some thingz are simply beyond taste and  I have to admit I like quite  few of Tamil songs which has it's own uniqueness like awesome lyrics, perfect voice, catchy tune, good melody, solid chords and dynamics like evergreen songs. No matter in what languages are they in. Most songs don't pop out of nowhere and scream, "Hi! Here I am! Write me!" As the old saying goes, "good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye". I'm not a music snob. I like cheesey, sappy songs sometimes. Will take anything that makes me laugh or smile.

*LOVE*

U or Me?

Is it u, or is it me
This is pathetic, sardonic, sadistic..
It creeps in me, unseeing, unsightly..
Like a thallus, it spreads all over..
Improper yet effective, burning deep..

I feel ashamed, anger at u, at me?
It's confusing, banging my head..
My temple aches contemplating..
I wish I knew, if it was me..
I'm sorry..

It was new, dark, unnatural..
Unfamiliar to me, panicking on the ship.
It turned and I could not swim..
I still was silent not wanting u back..
But want u back terribly..
I wish I knew how..
In a different time or a second chance..
I will make u glad..

Almost

hit by a car and it was my fault, and I knew better. But I wasn't hit. So, that's good...; )
Crossed the street just now...
As I continued on my way, my mind kindly played pictures for me of my mangled leg. My knee shuddered at its own vulnerability. As usual, I turned left and right..anddddd there is a big huge white car..one more step..

Banggggg....!!!

From a far far distance, I can hear my friends screaming..calling out my name..."(...)...watch out" and heard a loud strong horn sound. But still never realized that I should move or stop crossing. It's like I'm dreaming. Getting a picture of those scenes are currently played on the action in a slow motion..a very slow motion..Am I blurred?..No, I'm not..I like to think of myself as a responsible and safe walker and obey all walking laws. But just now I was inches from being misaligned and hit by a vehicle slowly inching forward, I was pissed. Should say something right?..like I'm sorry. I didn't.

Just keep walked away. Could hear some of my friends are crapping blah blah blah and completely shocked ..I began to feel slightly guilty, in part because I gave up sarcasm as an effective means of mature communication about 2 years ago. Folks, the rules of the cross walk really aren't that difficult but yes of course...it matters where you have to remain as yourself..being your own and STOP DAYDREAMING as it could make one get hibernated and totally powered off.. >.<

The fact..I knew..but still being active on it (daydreamer..)..hehhehee =p

* LoVe*

Existence

Omg..I back again..!


Today, after ages, I am having a lovely homey time. Despite the sore throat and the persistent headache. No one’s at hostel. Cooked chicken  and had a happy, full lunch.
Had a comfortable bath..without no one screaming. “ Are you sleeping in the loo?” =)
Listening to Tony Orlando’s “ Tie a yellow ribbon”...That man is seriously amazing, I tell you..

Old is gold..ALWAYZzz....^^

After the last few hectic weeks of the shoot...it feels fantastic..
Now, I shall go and watch Scanner Darky and eat dark chocolate.. m currently lazymaking...Cheerio peeps...


.---yawning--- aaawwwww...( Excuse me, viewers)...

Thought..

That it is an ending…but no, it’s not… It’s a new beginning… But Im sure ..The future will be the best and overflows with fantastic outcomes… and the present???... Can’t think too much of it..Spoken words are known as the most dangerous weapon... Use it wisely... If not it’s better just keep your mouth shut for GOD’s sake... PROBLEM SOLVED…!!!

 *LOVE* ( wil b happy if its really exist...)

My Granny’s Birthday Party

Hi Friends…Today I would like to introduce about  my relatives, cousins and yeah of course my nanny.

Last Friday, we have a birthday party for my nanny at her house. She is my dad’s mom and here some of pics of them..

Enjoy!!!

ceremony guin 2 strt

faster paatti..cut de cake

cn sm1 plz take pic of us 

o0pz..blurr dy

2 aunties ~> 4 me??

Girls..girlss..go..

smile la syg..

the table of man

De cousins..

=D

cute baby

hmmm..ok..ok..=p

My Athai magans

lil cousins

wait la..m nt ready yet

hehhe..givin pose

youngest aunt

Aunties

me n my bro

Chinne athai (aunt)

cousins..

Aunt (chithi)

faster sis.snap pic..if nt she wil run away..=p

Great granny with nanny

Appa with nanny

My youngest bro~Shenthamil

 That's all..=D Most of my relatives and cousins couldn't attend tiz party..=(..so its only us in th0se pictures..will update if gt time..Till then bye!!!

*LOVE*

Avengersss...

DE MOVIE….

Nick Fury of  S.H.I.E.L.D  brings together a team of super humans to form  The Avengers to help save the earth from Loki and his army.

Avengers is a team of superheroes, appearing in magazines  publish   by Marvel Comics...And you know what???....the Avengers is the first movie to exceed $100 million in its second weekend!!!..fantastic ryt..=)

So, I went with my siblings to Pacific Megamall to watch the movie. My anna (elder brother) belanja us all..Thankz alot bro..=D

WHO ELSE WENT WITH ME???....hmmm..

Emphrem, Anni, n Shentha

My Anna and  Anni (sister in law), two younger brothers, friend of my elder brother and another friend of Shentha (youngest bro).

This is the first time we all went for a movie without our parents…errr…bt of course with their permission….huhuhu..

It was a midnight show…yeyyeyeyye…..lovin it!!!!

The movie was amazing and we t0ok our fav characters according to our minat. For me, my brother  gave de black widow character...oh yeah..

My Anna~ Iron man

Anni ~ Gf of Iron man

Rama ~ Captain America

Shentha ~ Hulk

Emphrem ~ Thor

         

         and....

Me ~ Black widow

Seriously, that was very funny. Jokes and laughters at theatre and also in car...=p..Only our voices was very  loud there..ahhaha...Other audiences should felt irritated with us...i guess...hehhehexx...

Fantastic movie...I really enjoyed it...and came back home at 2.30 a.m.

*LOVE*

Mehendhi

Mehendhi (marudhaani) is an integral part of an Indian bride beauty on her wedding day and also applicable on special days. It's cool and fun art. So, most of the girls like to apply it and discover the colour of Mehendhi (henna).

People believe ~ More darker the colour of marudhaani, the more passionate and loving husband/groom ~ the girl will get....hmmm..I d0n't know whether it's true or not..=p

Some pics..My sister in law drew for me..

Before

After

A.R.A.S.I

my anni's (sister in law) hand
For her, I drew it..

Ma right hand ~ ma bro's frn drew it..=)

Ok Bubye....=D

*LOVE*

Some Forever's Are Real.

Why your family is the best you can ever have,

*They welcome you with a smile and a hug and heat up dinner for you even when you arrive home well past midnight.

*They listen to the stories you bring back home-good or sucky-minus the judgements and still genuinely care.

*They don’t forget your birthday. Ever.

*They love you so unconditionally that you feel like opening up to them about every silly little thing that’s troubling you. But you wouldn’t do that as you know your tears will well their eyes up too, and you can’t bear that sight in a million years.

*They are always there for you. You can take them for granted and hurt them as you please, they will still forgive you.

*You have trouble hiding that little drop of tear that rolls down your cheek when you bid them goodbye at the bus stand. Every time.

*You know you'll come back to them eventually, wherever you get carried away to in life.

*They're your Past, Present and Future.

* LOVE*

My Granny

Hola..=D


I have two grandmothers and my two grandads are died when I was a kid. Well I’m not so close to my dad’s mom. Not me only, all of my siblings are like that indeed. But if you asked me, my angel is my mom’s mother ~> my paatti (grandma in tamil)…


I probably have little to say about her first as she need some introduction. Her name is Teressa, can also be said she is another Mother Teressa for me. She always pray..pray.. and  ..pray..She never ever raised her voice to anyone.The mother of PEACE. A part from that, she wont talk too much and like to help everyone.


She raised me and my elder brother as both of us are the most lovable grandchildrens.  She is a very loving woman. Now she staying at my aunt’s house. I didn’t meet her often. We stayed quite a distance away from them, but I'd meet her once a year on Christmas.The moments I've spent at my grandma's were the most memorable ones of my life. I still remember them fondly. Grandma's just love you so much more - my grandmother sure did! My parents were very loving and caring, but my grandma was that much more to me. She was so doting and caring and nurturing. She was a strong woman - the woman I adored the most!!


Yesterday, I went to aunt’s house because we have funeral prayers of my belated uncle. I’m not a Christian but somehow as a family member, I have to attend it. Every time I visit my granny, she will give me some pocket money like RM 3 or RM 5.She is not working but still she manage to give me money and used to say “dear, buy anything you like…sweets or dolls..anything and be happy always”

This is how she rolled the money and gave me....

That time I really can’t controlled my tears. My mom used to tell me about her. When I was a baby, she will wake up so early just to feed nestume to me.This is because I have this one kind of attitude. When i was a baby,if I wake up from sleep or even open my eyes suddenly, then sorry la..No one can feed me after that. Whatever she feeds me, I'll spit it out everything. So, to handle me, she wake up early every morning and feed me.Wow...She sacrificed herself and did alot of things for us.My parents was busy with their jobs and they have to get ready early in the morning. Before my mom wana feed me,my granny already finish all the things that should done. That’s really cool=D Thanks paatti.. The love of a grandma is unique. God must have given grandmothers to us to liven up our lives, to make our lives more complete, to make us well rounded and better human beings. The love of a grandma is unconditional, unselfish, unending. I loved my grandma so much and I  remembered all that she taught me. I would always miss her. Love you granny. You truly were a special, special woman.. Thank you, god for giving me such a wonderful nanny.!!! *Love*

=p

HahahahaxXxXX….=p

*Love*

Perfect

Perfect Imperfection

~ I love Spongebob Squarepants because I never get tired of laughing.

~ The only reason I loved Barbie as a kid was because I couldn't wait to change their dress and put pottu on their forehead. I feel like I’m a fashion designer for models. Of course, when my plan wouldn't go as planned, I would cry because of my brother who always fought with me and sometimes we ended up with breaking the doll’s head.

~ I listened to the Backstreet Boys and Westlife everyday when I was in the 6th grade and I thought they were amazing. No regrets there.

~ I spent two summers working in a bookstore just so I could spend the entire day reading books.

~ Every time it rains, I get a cup of tea or cocoa and sit by the window because I think it’s a beautiful setting.

In the bus or at house or at park, I listen to my favourite songs (earphone on),reading magazines and novels and yeah of course I gave my mouth some work~ eating fruids ~chewing it slower and slower.

~ Most of the things I think about doing run like movie scenes in my head.

~ I never learn from heart breaks. I'm always hoping the next time is different - even though I don't like admitting it.

But I believe that time is the best medicine for everything.

~ I sometimes make statements and act a certain way because I'm waiting for someone or something to come along and prove me wrong.

~ I love riding bikes because of the exhilarating feeling of the wind blowing through my hair. The disbelieving looks from people around is pretty amusing too.

~ I'm a workaholic. Being overworked is a craving.

~ I'm an emotional roller coaster because I go by what my heart has to say, irrespective of the number of times it has landed me in trouble.

~There are times when I hit rock bottom but I always know I'll be fine.

~ I'm finally okay with being on my own.

~ I hate arguments. I just cannot hate someone or hold a grudge against them for too long.

I've never claimed to be perfect but I did strive for it. But I realize that I'm the one who gets to define what perfect is. And where I am now is good enough.

~ This is who I am. No regrets, no wishes to change, no alterations for someone else.

~~~~~ I'm proud to be me =D. Aren't you? ~~~~~

Stalking???

Why is  My Lecturer STALKING Me???....

I was 20 years old and a student too . And you may wonder, or it may sound disgusting, but the stalker was not an unknown person -- he was a lecturer from our college department. . All my coursemates and friends like him because of his fantastic personality. He is a married man but his wife isn't here. The way he dressed up and teaching was seriously nice. He was also one of the most respected people on campus -- even I respected him before I experienced his nonsensical behaviour.
Many things happened but I'm not gonna tell you all about it  (because this page wont be enough for it... hahahhaha =p)

Only the highlighted one..=)
On my second year,he handled one of our subjects and by the end of that semester, I started encountering his unusual behaviour. He used to stare at me, give me a smile when I walked down the corridor or on campus, and he was constantly observing me.
For a few days I ignored it -- I thought I may be mistaken, but the situation got worse day by day. When we had classes , he would be there; he would sit opposite me and stare continuously. I started ignoring him and he would get angry, scolding some student or the other for some silly reason, in order to draw my attention and intimidate me.
Sometimes he talked in double meaning where I couldn't understand of what he is trying to say.

In the class he tend to tell everyone like why this girl (he mentioned my name) always kept silent and look liked a good girl?
And yeah of course always smiling??
First I thought it is a compliment from a lecturer to a student. Then the way he expresses, it was some kind weird on the next day. I was wondering???...why me??...

I used to sit on the front line in all classes. But after I experienced his different behaviour towards me, I tried not to sit at the front seat and sat at the 3rd line, in the middle of my friends. But again he starts. He asked me to sit infront, if not he couldn't give his lecture. Its not COULDN'T, its WON'T. He sounds like he is flirting with me and that was so awkward. All my classmates are shocked and turned to me just like Im the one who have to be blamed. Only my friends didnt support their view of point. I felt very embrassed.Having tough times like this in your whole life is a nightmare of hell!! I have no other choice. He wont handle or cont our class unless I've move my position to the infront seat. But still I'm brave enough to replied him back that  "Im sorry but I would like to sit here and I'm comfortable with it ".... This time (ME) no more smiling at all. Only during his classes, I will be like some kind of stoned face. He still forced me. Omg!!.. I bite my lips and felt I'm like a slave or a helpless girl. I moved to infront seat. 'They'  tend to talk behind me that I'm seducing him and that word was the most .... I couldn't imagine it. Oh grossus...!!!

Even after-that-day, I and my Chinese friend was on the way to campus library. Suddenly we met him as he was on his way to attend his meeting at outstation and yet he saw us. I really wana escape from him as I walked a bit faster but he called me."la, again get caught". I stopped, turned to him. He telling me that he is going to attend his meeting. Im wondering for awhile. So, what I supposed to do or say? and who cares? I buat blurr je. My Chinese friend is the one who was curious and asked him further questions but then he keep looking at me and replyiing to me.... I don't understand. I really wana say this. (Excuse me, its not me who are you are talking to. It's her and can you stop looking at me like that. It's damn annoying). "Answer her, you idiottt" I really thought of it bt never ever had an oppurtunity to voice it out. All I did is just thinking of it.. never ever have the guts to yell !!! After he left, she told me that she was so upset with his hillarious behaviour and she said those words to me" now I understood your situations and how you felt".
 ME~> Glad u are...at last..

Things carried on the same way for nearly five months. I told one of my best friend but she said that he was playing with me. Playing???....There are a lot of girls out there. More prettier and more nicer. Why me??.. He is not playing. I know. Like what I've said in last post about the stalker. They usually look at other places and flirting crazily.

On the last lesson, I calmed myself and pray to GOD very well that today will be the end for everything. I entered into the classroom and as usual he stared at me and asked "so today how are you" and I thought for one minute should I layan him or just walk away. I said 'fine" and sit on the seat at the back (since my batch is only 13 of them and the classroom is quite large). After that everything was ok. The lesson was going as normal too. But then he suddenly ask me whether I'm pretending? I seriously hate that word. PRETENDING!!!.. I just kept my mouth shut and then he asked me about some new disease. I couldn't explained about it because that is the first time I've heard about it.
SO, I said a bit politely " I don't know sir" but then he continuously asking me same the question over again and again. Is he deaf?? I tried to control myself but I can't. Finally, I ended up with bursting out. I exploded like a volcano, I roared
 "I said I don't know means I DON'T KNOW!!!... Got It..???"

Seriously, that was the first time I behaved like this. Everyone are shocked and yeah of course you should see his face. Damn scared!!! The room and the ppl was suddenly changed tremendously and getting their silence treatment instead. I cannot believe that I DID IT. I guess my voice raised in a way of suppressing anger and it echoed back it seems. Then he was like blurr "Errr, its ok, let me teach you. You can sit now".

After that, I couldn't concentrate in class anymore. But whatever it is, I have to be strong and I AM STRONG!! So, I was note down all the  things he taught. Tears dropped... dropping... and still dropping.. No one knows it.Only the paper that I'm writing on it.. 'IT' knows very much.

After few minutes, he came to me and was standing very near to me. I buat tak tau je. He said "your handwriting is beautiful and neat". I keep quiet and did't even notice him. He gave everyone break for awhile and then he sat on the infront of my seat and keep looking... looking... looking and looking at me!!!
I couldn't stand it. Those awkward and disgusted moments. Tears dropped. It's been half and hour and still I'm looking in to the paper. He went away then. All I know is the ink of pen on the paper was being faded away...

That semester finished. But still on the next sem, I met him again coincidently. My friends are with me. I thought he might change a bit but he is not. Still the same. He  asked me why I never ever come and visit him after the class and then he also asked the silly questions.... yuckkk annoying!!! "Did you forget me, aren't you'? And again my mouth was like zipped. Such a jerk!!!  How dare you? (was thinking)
Since I'm at the lecturer's room, I controlled myself and tell him that "Sorry sir,I don't have time for that nor it's important for me". I walked away without waiting for his reply. Until now, I didn't see him at all. Thanks to GOD.

 This is the second time I'm revealing my problem publicly. Actually its not a problem at all. It can be referred as one of my life experiences. Many girls experience this kind of situation and I hope I never face it ever again.
So my advice is, just ignore it and concentrate on your work. Stalkers want to do everything in a disguised way, they are scared to make things public. Now I'm 21, but at a young age everything seemed new and at that point in time, we can't take any step to confront them.

Be STRONG and BRAVE!!!!

*LOVE*